This post is a response to a friend and colleague's misfortune in dealing with an asshole student. I know all about this. I have had my share of asshole students. When I first heard of this misfortune, I was incensed. It has been a few days now, so this blog will likely be less passionate, but more coherent than it would have been. This particular student was of the "Could you go ahead and wipe my ass for me? Thanks," variety. This student is synonymous with the "You're going to need to go ahead and give me a B (maybe even an A) for doing absolutely no work all semester; thanks," student. We teachers all experience these students from time to time. I had the misfortune of having half a classroom full of them one semester. This personality deficiency is obviously that of the spoiled child. I've always found "spoiled" to be a rather excellent term for this condition, for that is exactly what is being done to the child. It is a form of abuse. For instance, if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for life. If you give a man an overabundance of fish, you completely incapacitate him and leave him dependent on the fishings of others. Plus, he develops such a fabulous and endearing personality to boot! ;)
My friend's student is one of the worst cases I've seen. Sure, I've had students who have blatantly told me that I clearly do not know what I'm doing, and that I should probably find another career. I had a student tell me that I don't give a shit about my students, and that she was baffled as to why I chose to teach in the first place. I've had many students who were absolutely flabbergasted that I had the nerve to say "no" to them. All of these instances were, as they usually are, due to unwanted, yet earned, shitty grades. But on all of these occasions, these students were confronting me. They were taking their complaints, their grievances, their whinings to me. This particular student didn't even have the balls to confront his teacher about his grievances. He went directly over her head to her supervisor, and ultimately the department, to file a formal complaint. Not only that, but he asked for her proverbial head on a platter...that she be fired.
It's one thing to be upset about a grade. Hell, it's one thing to get upset about a grade and blame the messenger...or anyone who can possibly be blamed that may prevent the need for that nasty and dreaded mirror-gaze. It's quite another thing to go directly over someone's head, without consulting her first, to her boss and ask that she be fired. Them's fightin' words! That's taking it beyond a defensive manuver into offensive territory. It's no longer just about the grade. It's about the person. Now that's some serious projection! And I don't care what anyone says, you just don't do something like that. That's not okay. Even if the teacher is incompetent (which is not the case here), you do not ask for that person's job. If he/she is truly incompetent, he/she will ultimately dig his/her own grave. No requests are necessary. And nothing good comes of such requests anyway...except maybe a nicely polished ego.
I have one thing to say to all of the "wipe my ass" students out there. Wipe your own damn ass! It's high time you learned how. Frankly, I am absolutely baffled as to how someone makes it through 18, 19, 20 some odd years of one's life without ever have heard the word "no". Without ever having had to wipe his/her own ass. The thing is, after having met enough of these people, I've come to realize that it's not that no one has ever told them "no", it's that it doesn't register. They don't hear "no" because it doesn't serve their agenda. They hear the Peanuts teacher's wa-wa nonsense-speak. The only time they hear actual English is when it's to say, "Sure, honey! Go ahead and bend over for me! There you go!" I've actually had students ignore my negation repeatedly until my head damn near exploded. They appeal their grades, they go over your head, and then they ask for it. Fortunately, if the department isn't corrupt, and I haven't experienced this one to be, at the end of all this ridiculous brouhaha, they still end up with that D they earned. (or that B if it also happens to be a student of the "I have to get an A or I'm gonna die" variety. A combination of these two varieties is quite a doozy)
To conclude, I also have something to say to the parents of said "wipe my ass" students. Ahem. YOU'RE NOT DOING A GOOD JOB! Money does not buy affection. Favors do not buy affection. Challenge your kids. Teach your kids to fish. And for the love of God, STOP WIPING THEIR ASSES FOR THEM!
P.S. This blog is dedicated to all those wonderful students who do their work without complaining, give a shit about their education and their lives and take responsibility for those lives. Thank you for making my job worth it.
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